I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

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Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

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Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

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At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

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Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

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Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

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Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

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I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

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People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.