I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

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My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

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Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

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That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

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It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

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Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

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“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

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Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.