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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Just shared via Twitch:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Spotted on Reddit:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Going viral on X:

I remember when Britain used to be so rich, you’d be embarrassed to go into a Lidl or Aldi.

Just shared via Discord:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Spotted on Slack:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"May your spoon be as slippery as your excuses when it comes to tackling responsibilities! 🥄🍲😄"

food, hope, humor, i, kitchen, soup, spoon, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

0

2 months ago

addiction, coffee, day, eye, hearing, humor, left, lost, number, withdrawal
Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

0

3 months ago

communication, deaf, family, girlfriend, humor, loud, misunderstanding, mum, need, needs, relationship, slow, speak, special, special need, told
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, bad, bad choice, better, choice, decision, decision making, decisions, drink, drink humor, drunk, drunk decision, humor, i, making, ones, self-deprecation, sober, sober decision, sure
A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

0

2 months ago

blanket, comfort, compression, enough, humor, i, need, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, today, weighted, weighted blanket, zip-file
You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

0

2 months ago

ask, back, expectation, funny situation, humor, i, joke, mad, massage, meatball, roll, situation, surprise, Swedish, Swedish massage
The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

0

2 months ago

28, 28 Days, apocalypse, Britain, comedy, days, exist, handle, hilarious, humor, idea, independence, international, own, rest, satire, saw, series, world, zombie

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

37 shares on Discord this month:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

89 shares on Threads this month:

I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

84 shares on Reddit this month:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Sunday is my favorite day to invent new things to worry about.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Shoutout to video games, man. I love having a reason to live.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Just shared via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

Just landed via TikTok:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Going bananas on YouTube:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Anybody else not stopped farting this evening? Asking for a friend.

Trending via Threads:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope your spoon slides into your soup.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back.

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨