Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in preschool or school… Oh wait, I’m at work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

483 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 15, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Just landed via Facebook:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Making waves on YouTube:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. I’m more interested in seeing your Pornhub Wrapped.

Going viral on Messenger:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Shared recently on Slack:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Going viral on YouTube:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a bank account when you can just walk into your closet and feel like a millionaire? 💸👗 #FashionistaFinance"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

Only at 27 do you become old, and then when you turn 30, you become younger than ever. That’s just how it goes.

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

483 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 15, 2026

Users Online

3,741

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Still don’t understand how girls with no jobs be holding iPhones.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Spotted on Threads:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Breaking via Reddit:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Going viral on WeChat:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Just landed via Telegram:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

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