Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
  • I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  • Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?
  • Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.
  • I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.
  • Asking Santa Claus for nudes.