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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Peter Parker having to juggle a day job with being a superhero feels kinda stupid nowadays. Just launch a Patreon, my man. Throw a PayPal link in that Spider-bio.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Going viral on YouTube:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Breaking via Pinterest:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Trending via Snapchat:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

Live now on Snapchat:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

Trending via Slack:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Going viral on Facebook:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

Just landed via Instagram:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

2 months ago

0

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out world, this shopper is a force to be reckoned with! 💁‍♀️🛍️💪 With a black belt in shopping, I'm fully equipped to conquer any store or online sale that comes my way. Who needs karate when you've mastered the art of finding the perfect bargain? 🤣💳 #ShopaholicLife"

activity, beginner, belt, black, black belt, consumerism, humor, i, shopping, skill, things

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Enjoy the time between diapers!

0

2 months ago

baby, diapers, enjoy, enjoyment, humor, life, moments, parenting, time
I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

0

2 months ago

backyard, celebration, cleaning, family, finished, holiday, house, humor, i, just, looking, Thanksgiving, Thursday
When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

0

2 months ago

accountable, communication, expectations, held, humor, i, irony, mean, relationship, wanted
Alexa, turn off the planet.

0

2 months ago

Alexa, environmentalism, humor, planet, sarcasm, technology, turn
The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

0

5 months ago

around, body, feel, feeling, humor, literally, moon, ocean, science, think, tide
Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

0

4 months ago

home, humor, interaction, media, online, online interaction, sarcasm, social, social media, someone, Twitter, unhappy, unhappy home, welcome

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

38 shares on Discord this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

70 shares on Discord this month:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

55 shares on Threads this month:

Drive like no one is watching.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Happy new fear!

97 shares on X this month:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

How inappropriate is it to ask a stranger to scratch your back? Need to know ten minutes ago.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Spotted on YouTube:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Breaking via Messenger:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

Broadcasted on X:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Trending via WeChat:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Making waves on X:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Trending via X:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Going viral on Messenger:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

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