34 funny black quotes - Wordgag

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

May 18, 2026

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Apr 1, 2026

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Apr 1, 2026

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Apr 1, 2026

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Apr 1, 2026

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Mar 31, 2026

I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

Mar 31, 2026

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Mar 30, 2026

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Mar 30, 2026

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Mar 29, 2026

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Mar 29, 2026

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Mar 29, 2026

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Mar 29, 2026

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Mar 29, 2026

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Mar 28, 2026

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Mar 27, 2026

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

Mar 27, 2026

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Mar 27, 2026

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Mar 26, 2026

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Mar 26, 2026

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Mar 26, 2026

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Mar 25, 2026

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Mar 25, 2026

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

Mar 24, 2026

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Mar 24, 2026

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Mar 24, 2026

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Mar 24, 2026

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Mar 24, 2026

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Mar 24, 2026

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Mar 22, 2026

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Mar 22, 2026

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Mar 22, 2026

Am simultaneously the family’s black sheep and gold star, and that’s exactly why I’m the way I am.

Mar 21, 2026