Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Jan 6, 2026

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Just shared via Facebook:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Trending via Threads:

You’re in his DMs, I’m outside his window with a JBL speaker streaming Taylor Swift.

Going bananas on X:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s healthy to be a little insane sometimes.

Spotted on Discord:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Spotted on YouTube:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Trending via TikTok:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

2 months ago

0

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess hunger always wins the race against swimming! 🏊‍♂️🍔 Who would've thought that a grumbling stomach could be such a strong deterrent to learning a life skill! Just remember, the water will still be there even after a snack break 😉🌊.

activity, eat, ever, excuse, fear, hour, humor, i, last, never, procrastination, swim, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

0

2 months ago

again, anything, bad, behavior, being, ever, feel, frustration, good, happen, human, human behavior, humor, i, motivation, people, pessimism, self-awareness, stupid, stupidity, think
I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

0

2 months ago

arson, comedy, count, humor, i, joke, light, lit, never, room, self-deprecation, wit
Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

0

3 months ago

dating, humor, love, relationship, sarcasm, someone, stripper, Twitter
Me: I’m an introvert. Vodka: No, you’re not.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, anxiety, humor, introvert, me, personality, social, social anxiety, vodka
We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

0

2 months ago

1969, ambition, election, every, exploration, humor, i, man, me, moon, president, promise, put, satire, space, space exploration, stop
They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

0

2 months ago

humor, invention, irony, language, metallic, taken, wit, word, word invention

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

79 shares on Threads this month:

Morning me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

18 shares on Snapchat this month:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish you could put your whole life on do not disturb.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,490

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Seen just now on Telegram:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Just landed via WeChat:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Just shared via X:

Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

Spotted on Discord:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

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