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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Seeing a grown man stumble when the train moves is disgusting. How will you provide for anyone?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Shared recently on Discord:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Just landed via Slack:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Spotted on Threads:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Spotted on Instagram:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

2 months ago

0

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess hunger always wins the race against swimming! 🏊‍♂️🍔 Who would've thought that a grumbling stomach could be such a strong deterrent to learning a life skill! Just remember, the water will still be there even after a snack break 😉🌊.

activity, eat, ever, excuse, fear, hour, humor, i, last, never, procrastination, swim, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

0

2 months ago

activity, attention, dress, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, i, jog, need, self-expression, unexpected, unique, web, wedding, wedding dress
For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

0

2 weeks ago

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish
Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

0

3 weeks ago

again, Christmas, fat, getting, gift, guess, holiday, humor, joke, repetition, same, self-deprecation, thing
You are not obligated to post a video of yourself dancing.

0

2 months ago

activity, dancing, fun, fun activity, media, obligation, post, posting, self-expression, social, social media, video, yourself
You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

0

2 months ago

aging, excuse, experience, growing, growing up, humor, life, think, young, youth
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

0

2 months ago

arrange, beat, cleverness, competition, humor, strategy, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

You only live once and thank God for that.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

40 shares on Reddit this month:

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop being so boyfriendable if you can’t be my boyfriend.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,542

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

A little 9-5 with a little fraud on the side is the only way you gone survive in this world.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Going viral on Twitch:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Live now on Telegram:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Just shared via Messenger:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Trending via TikTok:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Just shared via Instagram:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

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