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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,733

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Just landed via X:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Going viral on TikTok:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Spotted on TikTok:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Just shared via Pinterest:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

Making waves on Instagram:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Playful quote about choosing gift bags over wrapping due to clumsy fine motor skills.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"I often opt for gift bags over wrapping paper because my dexterity is on par with a tipsy panda trying to perform brain surgery 🐼🎁 #ClumsyGiftGiver"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Threads this month:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

35 shares on Slack this month:

The inner child in me is open-mouth coughing on the inner child in you.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,720

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Live now on Slack:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Spotted on Instagram:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Just shared via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

Just landed via Reddit:

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Just shared via Reddit:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

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