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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,270

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

A pet resting their little paw on you is a sign of respect in their culture.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Just shared via Instagram:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Just shared via Slack:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Trending via YouTube:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Live now on X:

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Thoughts more intrusive than a 90s sitcom neighbor.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

2 months ago

0

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like you're on the way to becoming a certified closet inspector! 🕵️‍♂️ Who knew that the first step towards decluttering involved just staring at your clothes intensely? 😂 Better watch out, closet, you're about to get 'cleaned' with that laser beam focus! 🔦💃

cleaning, closet, first step, good, humor, i, organization, over, procrastination, self-improvement, step, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

0

3 months ago

almost, bus, humor, put, struggle, struggle bus, time, tire, winter, winter tire
It’s so hot here, I’m breaking a sweat just bitching and moaning about it.

0

5 months ago

bitching, breaking, complaining, frustration, heat, here, hot, hot weather, humor, just, moaning, sweat, weather
My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

0

1 month ago

bit, conversation, every, family, family gathering, gathering, going, holiday, humor, incorrectly, joke, mispronunciation, name, politician, politicians, politics, Thanksgiving
You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

0

3 months ago

belief, believe, confidence, delusion, delusional, humor, motivation, much, self, self-belief, yourself
Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

0

2 months ago

around, bluntness, communication, eating, humor, humor about communication, idiom, phrase, sarcasm, saying, stop, whatever, witty
Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

0

2 months ago

change, humor, i, love, relationship, status, YouTube

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Facebook this month:

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

53 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

36 shares on Discord this month:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

35 shares on Threads this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

11 shares on X this month:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

93 shares on TikTok this month:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Drivers seem to underestimate how willing I am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

(Most depressed guy you’ve ever met) I’m doing pretty good.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t handle me while I’m broke, then you don’t deserve me when I have $600.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Salary week, but salary weak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,699

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Just landed via Discord:

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Shared recently on TikTok:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Just shared via Discord:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Going viral on Twitch:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Just landed via Discord:

“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.

Making waves on Messenger:

Life hack: you don’t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

Spotted on TikTok:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

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