I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.