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Looks like the universe had its cosmic stopwatch out, tapping its celestial foot impatiently as it waited for you to make your move! 🌌⏱️ Don't keep the cosmos waiting next time, it's got galaxies to attend to! 🚀🌠

expectations, humor, i, irony, me, reflection, self-discovery, timing, universe, waiting

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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

2 months ago
afford, children, expectations, family, financial, humor, i, living, move, parenting, things, want
Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

1 month ago
cause, dating, doing, epidemic, humor, interaction, loneliness, male, male loneliness, proud, social, social interaction
Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

4 months ago
3, apartment, experience, experiences, house, human, human experience, moving, top, worst, worst experience
New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

4 months ago
2, act, acting, character, cinephile, humor, main, main character, method, method watching, months, movie, new, talk, talking, technique, watch, watching
Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

1 month ago
humor, insomnia, media, relatable, sleep, social, social media, Twitter, welcome
It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

1 month ago
beautiful, beautiful day, create, day, existing, humor, ignore, irony, new, ones, problem, problems, procrastination

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Most meetings end with the conclusion that everything needs to be discussed in another meeting.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Live now on YouTube:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Breaking via X:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Shared recently on Discord:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Breaking via WeChat:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Just landed via Instagram:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

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I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

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I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Welcome to Twitter: yeah, none of us can sleep either.

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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