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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,987

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Just shared via Telegram:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Spotted on Slack:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Shared recently on WeChat:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Just landed via Messenger:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Taking one for the team, one cookie at a time! 🍪 Who knew saving your family could be this delicious? 😂 #DiabetesDeputy"

diabetes, eating, family, humor, i, life, myself, sacrifice, selflessness, sweets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

0

1 week ago

hope, humor, i, kiss, kissing, lips, longing, miss, missing, next, relationship, romantic, wish, year
Scrolling should count as cardio.

0

1 month ago

activity, cardio, count, exercise, fitness, humor, joke, scrolling, should, workout
Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

0

2 months ago

ambition, aspiration, change, food, forever, humor, i, life, motivation, sandwich, someday
How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

0

2 months ago

before, cake, dessert, door, expectation, food, fridge, humor, inside, open, patience, times, waiting
Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

0

2 months ago

attitude, Friday, Funny, humor, mood, nothing, patience, smile, smiling, week
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

0

2 months ago

advice, behavior, child, curiosity, going, parenting, rules, something, temptation, touch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

100 shares on X this month:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Anyone who says there are no stupid questions is welcome to drop by my office. My colleagues will prove you wrong.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

51 shares on X this month:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Tensing up so the masseuse doesn’t win.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When I was a kid, I never expected the future to suck this much.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Have you asked Chat GPT?” Have you lost your mind?

Going viral on Twitch:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Just shared via Threads:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Trending via Facebook:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Spotted on X:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I really miss kissing. I hope next year favors my lips.

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨