I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Can’t stand British posts on my timeline. “I bought this for four squids and a halfpenny!” What the hell are you talking about?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.