If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

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The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

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Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

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What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

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I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

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Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

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I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

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I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

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My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

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Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.