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Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

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Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

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Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

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Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

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Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

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The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

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To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

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Sorry, canโ€™t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

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Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

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Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

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If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Commentary:
"Is it weird to say that sniffing old books is my idea of relaxation? ๐Ÿ“š Just call me the Delightful Book Sniffer! If you need me, I'll be happily inhaling that intoxicating scent at the library. ๐Ÿ˜„ #BookwormLife"



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