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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has shared:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Thereโ€™s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, youโ€™d have named it by the end.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes donโ€™t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. Itโ€™s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Discord:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Just shared via Threads:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering โ€œusually an hourโ€ wasnโ€™t the right answer. I know this now.

Going viral on Instagram:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Seen just now on Discord:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

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Commentary:
"Is it weird to say that sniffing old books is my idea of relaxation? ๐Ÿ“š Just call me the Delightful Book Sniffer! If you need me, I'll be happily inhaling that intoxicating scent at the library. ๐Ÿ˜„ #BookwormLife"

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Social Media Stars โญ

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other peopleโ€ฆ together.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

53 shares on Discord this month:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Itโ€™s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

12 shares on Threads this month:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

โ€œYou never text back.โ€ No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Itโ€™s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We donโ€™t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You think youโ€™re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,743

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

People who donโ€™t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has downloaded:

I canโ€™t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. Thatโ€™s insane.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as โ€œinteresting.โ€

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Threads:

Going to church doesnโ€™t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Going viral on Threads:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Airport security asked me if Iโ€™ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Letโ€™s start with that.

Making waves on WeChat:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they donโ€™t want it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because theyโ€™re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Trending via Reddit:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

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