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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

You will watch an old classic movie that kind of sucks. Then, on the IMDb trivia, it says, this was the first time a film director ever pointed the camera at the sun.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,535

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Going bananas on X:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Just shared via Twitch:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Breaking via Twitch:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about eating an orange while dogs mistaken it for a ball, humorous and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the dogs are ready to play fetch with your snack! 🐶🎾 Who knew an innocent orange could cause such confusion in the canine world? Maybe next time you should stick to apples to avoid any ball-shaped food mix-ups! 😄🍊

ball, dog, dogs, dude, eating, food, having, humor, keep, looking, me, orange, pet, snack, stop

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Messenger this month:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Why be pretty when you can be pretty weird?

62 shares on X this month:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Work from home ain’t for everyone. I, for one, hate when my coworkers try to message when I’m shopping.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I won’t be doing Dry January, because who was there for me during the happy times and the hard times? Not broccoli.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Spotted on X:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Shared recently on X:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

Just landed via Discord:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

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