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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Remind the demons under your bed that you’re the landlord, raise the rent.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

This whole week could have been an email.

Going viral on Telegram:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Going bananas on X:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Trending via Slack:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about moving on, with a humorous take on past relationships and gardening.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this person is taking the term "growing in a relationship" quite literally! 🍅🌱 Who knew heartbreak could be so nourishing for the garden? Talk about turning emotional baggage into literal fruits of labor! 🤣 #RelationshipGoals #LoveGrowsInMysteriousWays

backyard, beginnings, buried, fertilize, humor, new, new beginnings, past, ready, relationship, tomat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

76 shares on X this month:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

46 shares on Facebook this month:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

42 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

77 shares on Slack this month:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Tested positive for being single af

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Going viral on Twitch:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Just shared via Reddit:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Going bananas on Threads:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Just shared via Messenger:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

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