Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Humanity doesn’t deserve a new year, look at the mess they made of the last one.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,479

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Making waves on Facebook:

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

Just landed via X:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

Making waves on Messenger:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Making waves on Pinterest:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Trending via YouTube:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

2 months ago

0

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this person is taking the term "growing in a relationship" quite literally! 🍅🌱 Who knew heartbreak could be so nourishing for the garden? Talk about turning emotional baggage into literal fruits of labor! 🤣 #RelationshipGoals #LoveGrowsInMysteriousWays

backyard, beginnings, buried, fertilize, humor, new, new beginnings, past, ready, relationship, tomat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

0

2 months ago

account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
Does anyone actually know how to pronounce Worcestershire sauce correctly, or do we all just stumble through it and hope for the best?

0

3 months ago

actually, anyone, best, confusion, cooking, food, hope, humor, just, know, language, pronounce, pronunciation, sauce, stumble, through, worcestershire, Worcestershire sauce, wordplay
Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

0

2 months ago

comedy, commitment, destroy, destroying, humor, job, life, partnership, person, relationships
I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

0

2 months ago

burn, calorie, cat, exercise, fitness, humor, i, pet, petting, relaxation, wonder
No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

0

6 months ago

awkwardness, dirty, dirty talk, every, hope, humor, i, insult, revenge, someone, stutter, talk, time, try
Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

0

2 months ago

account, advice, ask, bank, bank account, before, bridge, bridge troll, buy, buying, easy, financial, financial advice, humor, i, me, money, need, riddles, something, spending, too, troll

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

28 shares on Slack this month:

Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing my relationship status from “Single” to “I give up.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Going viral on Slack:

The difference between coffee and your opinion is that I asked for coffee.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Why is everything 10x better at night? Driving, showering, eating, vibing to music, watching Netflix… phone calls. Like, everything.

Going viral on Telegram:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You wish you had this many chins.

Trending via Snapchat:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Breaking via Telegram:

Shout out to the dude who flipped me off in traffic. Making me feel all nostalgic for California, thank you.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴