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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

If humanity is so smart, how come it took thousands of years after the wheel was invented for someone to put them on a suitcase?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,542

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Broadcasted on Slack:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

Just shared via Messenger:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

Just landed via WeChat:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Just landed via X:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Spotted on X:

I touched grass today, and I’m still like this. Please advise.

Seen just now on Slack:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about a wife reorganizing the kitchen, making her husband nostalgic about lost items.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣💔 Oh, the chaos of kitchen rearrangements – a significant event husbands everywhere dread! It's like a culinary treasure hunt, except the prize is, well, finding the salt shaker in the spice cabinet. Hang in there, dear husband, your culinary quest just leveled up! 🍴🔍

devastating, everything, home, humor, husband, kitchen, memory, organization, rearranging, relationship, used, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

81 shares on X this month:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

70 shares on Slack this month:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

37 shares on X this month:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,598

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

You gotta separate the art from the artist. Like, for example, sometimes the artist is really nice but their art sucks.

Making waves on X:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Making waves on Messenger:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Living la vida taco!

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