Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.
  • It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.
  • Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
  • Does running away from my problems count as cardio?
  • He took my last fry, your honor.
  • Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.