Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.
  • What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?
  • Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.
  • They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.
  • Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.
  • The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.