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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Jan 6, 2026

3,367

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Going bananas on Discord:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

Live now on Snapchat:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Spotted on Threads:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

2 months ago

0

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh no, a true wordsmith's worst nightmare! 🙈 Losing your Thesaurus is like being stranded on an island without a map 🗺️ or a pirate without a parrot 🦜! May your missing book be found soon and may your vocabulary woes be replaced with words as plentiful as a bookshop on Black Friday! 📚🔍🤞

gutted, humor, irony, loss, lost, Thesaurus, vocabulary, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

0

2 months ago

40, age, alarm, alarm clock, bladder, changes, clock, humor, i, life, life changes, need, over, over 40, sleep, waking, waking up
My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

0

2 months ago

going, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, preoccupation, regret, revenge, sarcasm, therapist, therapy
The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

0

2 months ago

animals, application, concern, confidence, cover, cover letter, humor, job, job application, letter, lion, workplace
James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

0

9 hours ago

bond, businessman, destroying, destruction, Earth, happiness, happy, hobby, james, James Bond, life, money, threat, world
If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

0

2 months ago

comedy, humor, joke, legal, LOLsuit, pun, someone, steal
Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

0

2 months ago

back, before, bring, button, experience, feature, feature request, humor, i, just, media, needs, read, refresh, refreshed, request, social, social media, starting, technology, tweet, Twitter, user, user experience

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Twitch this month:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

53 shares on X this month:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

81 shares on Threads this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I disagree with my politics.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Phone so dry, I caught myself checking the weather.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Going viral on Messenger:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Spotted on Instagram:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Just landed via WeChat:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme. But read and lead don’t rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

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