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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Just landed via YouTube:

That moment when it’s January in a couple of weeks, and you realize you are still trying to lose weight from last January.

Spotted on Twitch:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Spotted on Reddit:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Going bananas on Telegram:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Shared recently on Slack:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Just shared via Threads:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Breaking via Messenger:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Trending via WhatsApp:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

2 months ago

0

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'oh, you want to see crazy?' line – a dangerous game of emotional Russian roulette 🤪💥! It's best to proceed with caution and perhaps a helmet 🪖. Remember, sometimes it's okay to just admire from a safe distance 👀😅!"

advice, crazy, humor, little, need, oh, reassurance, relationship, want, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

0

2 months ago

better, check, Christmas, getting, gift, holiday, hope, humor, list, media, naughty, Santa, social, social media, therapy, us, wish, wish list
At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

0

2 months ago

alien, dating, expectation, humor, i, irony, life, love, meet, point, relationship, sure, zombie
The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

0

2 months ago

attitude, communication, concern, confidence, email, humor, lion, office, sarcasm
Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

0

2 months ago

allowed, apology, bouncing, coping, frustration, head, humor, leg, restriction, self-deprecating, sorry, wall, walls
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

0

2 months ago

change, colon, example, friend, friends, grammar, humor, joke, meaning, sandwich, sentence, vs
Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

0

2 months ago

argument, ask, back, communication, humor, lawn, marriage, middle, mowing, relationship, silence, silent, tip, wife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

91 shares on Slack this month:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Seen just now on X:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Making waves on Discord:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Shared recently on Discord:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Trending via Instagram:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Trending via WeChat:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Just shared via YouTube:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Just landed via X:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

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