Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Making waves on Twitch:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Trending via Telegram:

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Making waves on Instagram:

Bro, you’re not allowed anymore to have your tongue drop out of your mouth and form a stair case when you see my wife.

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

2 months ago

0

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'oh, you want to see crazy?' line – a dangerous game of emotional Russian roulette 🤪💥! It's best to proceed with caution and perhaps a helmet 🪖. Remember, sometimes it's okay to just admire from a safe distance 👀😅!"

advice, crazy, humor, little, need, oh, reassurance, relationship, want, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

0

2 months ago

day, delivery, every, household, humor, living, living situation, package, quirky, roommate, situation, unemployed
Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

0

2 months ago

alone, awake, better, beverage, caffeine, coffee, humor, just, morning, only, solitude
I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, coworkers, funny observation, i, life, LinkedIn, media, nostalgia, observation, past, past photos, photos, social, social media, work, work life, year’s, years ago
You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

0

2 months ago

around, authority, bladder, boss, control, humor, independence, me
Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

0

2 months ago

adult, anxiety, being, difficult, fear, full, grown, humor, life, maturity, responsibility, terrible, trouble
Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

0

2 months ago

another, dating, flirtation, humor, i, link, love, me, music, post, relationship, Spotify

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

87 shares on Slack this month:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

47 shares on Threads this month:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

35 shares on Messenger this month:

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,290

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

I live in constant fear of being asked to repeat what you just said after I say I’m listening.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Just shared via YouTube:

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Broadcasted on Threads:

My swear jar is filing for an IPO soon.

Trending via Facebook:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Just landed via Messenger:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Making waves on Discord:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴