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Commentary:
"Mrs. Doubtfire: the OG stealthy custody hacker! 🤫🎬 Who needs lawyers when you have a wig and a Scottish accent, am I right? 😉 #CustodyGoals"

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I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

1 month ago
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I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

1 month ago
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The first step to recovery is addiction.

1 month ago
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People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

1 month ago
conversation, humor, i, intelligence, intelligent, irony, least, myself, others, people, self, self-talk, talk, tell, wit
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

2 months ago
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I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward moment, complicated, confusion, door, doors, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, irony, life, moment, pull, pull door, push, push door, relationship

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Going viral on Snapchat:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Just landed via Messenger:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

Breaking via Telegram:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

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Activity Log ✨

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

The first step to recovery is addiction.

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Some people shop for designer heels. I shop for nonstop flight deals.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I can’t believe I used to think I was stressed in high school.

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

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Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

The first step to recovery is addiction.

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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