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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Liking someone romantically is actually just a humiliation ritual.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Going viral on Twitch:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Going viral on Slack:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Breaking via Telegram:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Making waves on Snapchat:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Seen just now on Threads:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Spotted on X:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Just shared via Instagram:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Just shared via WeChat:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

6 days ago

Witty text about browsing habits, humorously comparing snack breaks to algorithm pauses.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the algorithm of snacking supremacy! 🍿📱 It seems like your snack breaks are the secret sauce behind your digital mastery. Who knew that pausing for a treat could lead to world-changing algorithms? Keep scrolling, snacking, and innovating! 🚀 #SnackPoweredAlgorithm

algorithm, i, much, scrolling, snack

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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

54 shares on Slack this month:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

94 shares on YouTube this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

48 shares on Discord this month:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when teachers put “?” on my work, like I don’t know either.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

To avoid burnout at work, use the 30-30 rule: after 30 minutes of work, quit your job and disappear into the mountains for 30 years.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Just landed via X:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Trending via Reddit:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Making waves on Instagram:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Seen just now on Reddit:

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

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