Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Taking action is my least favorite thing to take.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Just shared via Reddit:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Just shared via Instagram:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Just landed via Slack:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Live now on WhatsApp:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about messy handwriting making pharmacists look like calligraphers.

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Commentary:
"My handwriting is so illegible, even doctors would struggle to decipher it! 📜🔍 #ChickenScratchMasterpiece"

calligrapher, comparison, handwriting, humor, pharmacist, writing

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24 shares on TikTok this month:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Screaming into the abyss has lost some of its effectiveness, if I’m being honest.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

63 shares on Twitch this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

Just landed via YouTube:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Breaking via TikTok:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Making waves on Messenger:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Breaking via Telegram:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Just landed via WeChat:

You should never donate to people that collect money for marathons. They just take your money and run.

Making waves on Discord:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Seen just now on Threads:

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

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