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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Some people are like ads, just skip.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,596

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Trending via Snapchat:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Spotted on Facebook:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Going viral on YouTube:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Seen just now on Threads:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Just landed via X:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Trending via Slack:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

1 week ago

Humorous quote about a chaotic, cluttered mind bouncing with random thoughts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to organize my thoughts is like trying to tidy up after a tornado in a thrift shop 🌪️🧹! My mind is a chaotic circus of random ideas bouncing around like excited puppies on a trampoline 🐶🦘. Who knew the junk drawer could be this lively and unpredictable? 🤪♻️"

chaos, disarray, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, mind, randomness, someone, trampoline

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Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Discord this month:

Most venomous snakes just make “Tsssss”. But I know some that say “Hi”.

64 shares on X this month:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

30 shares on X this month:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

If I’m reading my Twitter feed correctly, Jennifer Aniston killed JFK.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Spotted on Threads:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Spotted on Discord:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Breaking via WeChat:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

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