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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

How is it still this week?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Coke tastes like tapping into your ancient ancestral petroleum reserves, while Sprite tastes like being connected to a big, beautiful energy grid.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Going viral on Facebook:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Going viral on YouTube:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Tested positive for being single af

Going viral on Slack:

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Spreading quickly via X:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Spotted on WeChat:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Making waves on X:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about mom's playful banter on towel choices, humorous and relatable.

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Commentary:
When your mom gives you the illusion of choice with the towels, but secretly has a favorite child… I mean, towel. 👀🤷‍♂️ #MomLogic

contradiction, expectations, household, humor, mom, parenting, rules, towel

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29 shares on Reddit this month:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

45 shares on Telegram this month:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

76 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

86 shares on WeChat this month:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Few things in life are as disappointing as having to poop right after a shower.

Trending via Threads:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Spotted on X:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Trending via Telegram:

They should send the Epstein list to everyone’s phones like that U2 album.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Breaking via X:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Trending via Instagram:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Just shared via Snapchat:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

People out there having five-year plans, and here I am waking up just hoping I remember what day it is.

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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