Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,014

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Just landed via Pinterest:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Freshly posted on Discord:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Spotted on Messenger:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your mom gives you the illusion of choice with the towels, but secretly has a favorite child… I mean, towel. 👀🤷‍♂️ #MomLogic

contradiction, expectations, household, humor, mom, parenting, rules, towel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

0

2 months ago

awake, dead, humor, nice, situation, sleep, sleeping, win-win
I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

0

2 months ago

day, day off, every, great, having, humor, i, joke, Monday, relaxation, sarcasm, should, sound, want, week, weekend, work
I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

0

3 months ago

activity, fun, i, internet, know, people, scream, screaming, spend, things, time, wonder
A real smartphone would cut you off.

0

3 months ago

communication, cut, humor, real, sarcasm, smartphone, technology
Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

0

2 months ago

activity, allowed, depressed, depression, expression, fun, fun activity, health, humor, internet, internet activity, mental, mental health, most, nonsense, online, online expression, online humor, person, satire, times, twisted, twisted times
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

0

2 months ago

action, comedy, humor, i, intention, never, own, self, stunt

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Threads this month:

Human interaction is a great way to learn all the new swear words your subconscious mind has come up with in the lab.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

77 shares on Telegram this month:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

89 shares on Reddit this month:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I have this ability where I can look at someone’s profile picture and determine whether they are evil or not.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Avocado is just green butter.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Going viral on YouTube:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Just landed via Twitch:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨