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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,966

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Making waves on X:

Your Majesty” would be the best name for a cat.

Trending via Discord:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Breaking via Discord:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Just shared via Slack:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Shared recently on TikTok:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Happiness is an inside job.

Shared recently on TikTok:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your mom gives you the illusion of choice with the towels, but secretly has a favorite child… I mean, towel. 👀🤷‍♂️ #MomLogic

contradiction, expectations, household, humor, mom, parenting, rules, towel

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

0

2 months ago

assumptions, head, humor, imagination, lot, perception, psychology, relationships, self-reflection, someone, stuff, tell, thoughts
You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

0

2 months ago

40, adulthood, age, change, clean, cleaning, drunk, house, humor, know, life, life change, music, nostalgia, over, over 40, used
God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

0

4 months ago

desire, frustration, God, humor, i, let, life, me, once, plea, please, prayer, want, wish
Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, doing, ending, even, humor, irony, laziness, lot, love, motivation, plans, procrastination, productivity, things, wanting, yay
Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

0

2 months ago

enjoying, enjoyment, frustration, humor, just, me, microsoft, outlook, portal, sarcasm, software, torment, work
Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

0

2 months ago

always, attract, attraction, bright, bugs, confidence, dating, everyone, humor, light, personality, quality, types, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

64 shares on X this month:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Shared recently on Twitch:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Making waves on Reddit:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Shared recently on Threads:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Just landed via TikTok:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Just shared via Discord:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨