Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

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People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.

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My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

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When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

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What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

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If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

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Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

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I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

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When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

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Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

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I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.