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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Nobody is busier than a woman who isn’t into you.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Spotted on Instagram:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Going viral on Threads:

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Going bananas on Discord:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Going bananas on Instagram:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Spotted on Reddit:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Just shared via Reddit:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

2 months ago

0

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting in a nutshell: On one hand, you've got little helpers lightening the load 🧽, but on the other hand, you might end up rewashing those dishes when they're not looking 🙈. The joys and woes of having tiny assistants in the kitchen! 🤣 #ParentingLife"

chores, dishes, downside, help, helping, humor, kids, parenting, upside

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

0

2 months ago

casual, casual sex, commitment, dating, humor, me, relationship, resume, send, sex
Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

0

2 months ago

activity, Bluetooth, funny activity, ghost, humor, just, mean, neighbor, neighbors, noises, play, prank, should, speaker, technology, technology humor
Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

0

2 months ago

behavior, comedy, ever, folding, foot, humor, mouth, noticed, observation, open, social, social behavior, step, trash, trash can
Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

0

2 months ago

complaint, deadline, funny statement, humor, management, sarcasm, sorry, statement, time, time management, yesterday
Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

0

2 months ago

better, better looking, confidence, happier, humor, looking, media, people, posts, self-promotion, show, smarter, social, social media, study
There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

0

3 weeks ago

bathroom, bed, being, comfort, comfy, frustration, hate, i, inconvenience, night, nothing, pee, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

90 shares on Twitch this month:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

34 shares on Slack this month:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Do the people who make chairs know what humans look like, or nah?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only here to test your patience, but like, in a sexy way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,838

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

It’s hard to believe that this long, crazy election will finally be over in a few months.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Just landed via TikTok:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Trending via WeChat:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Going bananas on Facebook:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Shared recently on TikTok:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

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