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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Spotted on Threads:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Broadcasted on X:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Just shared via Twitch:

In a packed elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now demonstrate the mating call of a whale.

Making waves on Twitch:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

Live now on Twitch:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting in a nutshell: On one hand, you've got little helpers lightening the load 🧽, but on the other hand, you might end up rewashing those dishes when they're not looking 🙈. The joys and woes of having tiny assistants in the kitchen! 🤣 #ParentingLife"

chores, dishes, downside, help, helping, humor, kids, parenting, upside

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on YouTube this month:

I think I just hit a Labubu with my car.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

86 shares on Threads this month:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

82 shares on X this month:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

29 shares on X this month:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

14 shares on Discord this month:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Seen an ambulance at the hospital. I hope the doctors are okay.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Spotted on Instagram:

Seeing a beautiful woman drink her beer is like witnessing an angel take flight.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Just landed via WeChat:

Switching between brainrot and deep intellectual talks is a skill that only a few acquire.

Breaking via Twitch:

My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

Seen just now on Discord:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

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