Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

509 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,102

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,102

Updated

Dec 24, 2025

Users Online

3,955

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Shared recently on Messenger:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Breaking via X:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Making waves on X:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Trending via Discord:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs fancy bedding when you've got a mattress for that extra *weight* in your life? 💸😴 #BudgetSleepingHacks"

advice, blanket, funny advice, humor, mattress, money, savings, sleep, sleeping, weighted, weighted blanket

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

0

2 months ago

argue, crazy, family, hobby, internet, need, people, stranger, strangers, time, waste
If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beautiful scenery, family, humor, observation, people, phones, pointing, road, road trip, scenery, travel, trip, vacation
At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

0

1 month ago

daily, daily routine, day, end, end of day, going, humor, irony, routine, time
The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

0

3 weeks ago

band, concert, giant, giant magnet, guitar, hands, humor, i, influence, magnet, music, shows, The Velvet Underground, underground, velvet
I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

0

2 months ago

analogy, anxious, back, deep, depth, humor, i, inside, layers, myself, onion, peel, personality, self-perception, smaller, think
There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

0

2 months ago

fix, fun, humor, i, joke, nothing, orgasm, pleasure, research, solution

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

91 shares on Discord this month:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

To accommodate the size of my wife’s new water bottle, we’ve replaced the passenger seat of her car with a cupholder.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

I put the hot in psychotic.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Seen just now on Threads:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Just landed via Twitch:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Just shared via Reddit:

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Men don’t eject their eyes from their sockets and yell awooga anymore.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

If you like pointing out beautiful scenery to three people who are on their phones, a family road trip is for you.

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨