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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,270

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Just shared via YouTube:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Just shared via Twitch:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Making waves on Instagram:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Just landed via Facebook:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

2 weeks ago

Witty text praising internet experts for knowing everything in a humorous way.

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Commentary:
🕵️‍♂️💻 Ah, the mystical creatures known as web experts – their knowledge knows no bounds! 🧠💡 They must have attended the University of Google🎓 and obtained a Ph.D. in Online Wisdom! 🤣🌐 Just remember, not all that glitters on the web is gold! 😉

everything, expert, experts, humor, irony, know, knowledge, sarcasm, shout, shout out, web

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Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

45 shares on Instagram this month:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.

66 shares on X this month:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,278

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via LinkedIn:

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Trending via Facebook:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Going bananas on TikTok:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Trending via Twitch:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Seen just now on Twitch:

You honestly gotta believe in yourself so much that it’s borderline delusional.

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