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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,500

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

Just landed via Threads:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Spotted on TikTok:

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

Spotted on Slack:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

1 month ago

Witty text about social distance improving relationships, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet paradox of social distancing: the less you see them, the more you like them! 🤣👫 #IntrovertWins"

away, better, humor, i, isolation, much, people, relationships, socializing

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on YouTube this month:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

33 shares on Telegram this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

91 shares on Reddit this month:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Just landed via X:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’m going to hell in every religion.

Breaking via Messenger:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Making waves on Messenger:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Going viral on Discord:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨