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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

53 minutes ago

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Making waves on Facebook:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Reported on Reddit:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Trending via WhatsApp:

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Trending via TikTok:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Going viral on Telegram:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Trending via Slack:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

6 months ago

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the whimsical life motto of a new parent: Sleep when the baby sleeps (aka never), eat when the baby eats (hello, cold leftovers), work when the baby works (endless diaper duty). 🍼💤👶 Who needs a personal schedule anyway?"

baby, eat, exhaustion, humor, multitasking, parenting, routine, sleep, work, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

53 minutes ago

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Trending via Slack:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Just landed via Twitch:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Reported on Facebook:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Trending via WeChat:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Just shared via Reddit:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Going viral on Discord:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

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