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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

I want time to watch more films, but I also want time to read more books, but I also want time to look at more nothing.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Girls expect handwritten letters from guys who copy birthday wishes from ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Dec 30, 2025

3,783

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Trending via Instagram:

Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

Going viral on Telegram:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Trending via Reddit:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Making waves on YouTube:

You’re in her DMs, she’s in my bed whining that it’s too cold. Can you come get her?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Just shared via X:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

2 months ago

0

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the whimsical life motto of a new parent: Sleep when the baby sleeps (aka never), eat when the baby eats (hello, cold leftovers), work when the baby works (endless diaper duty). 🍼💤👶 Who needs a personal schedule anyway?"

baby, eat, exhaustion, humor, multitasking, parenting, routine, sleep, work, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

0

2 months ago

care, dump, friendship, health, humor, invitation, mental, mental health, movie, nap, order, over, pizza, relaxation, self, self-care, take, trauma, trauma dump, want, watch
The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

0

5 months ago

aging, attitude, decision, easier, exit, exit strategy, humor, i, maturity, me, older, say, situation, strategy
Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

0

2 months ago

call, everything, excuse, humor, i, missed, missed call, phone, procrastination, ring, ringing, ringing phone, sorry
Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

0

2 months ago

doll, forehead, forehead kiss, funny request, give, great, humor, joke, kiss, little, magic, midsection, playful, request, stuffing, take, voodoo, voodoo doll
You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

0

2 months ago

attitude, bad, bad day, both, day, days, ever, finger, fingers, frustration, funny attitude, humor, humor quote, middle, middle finger, sarcasm
I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

0

4 weeks ago

9, anxiety, asked, childhood, club, enough, good, humor, i, join, joke, little, nervous, situation, social, social situation, swing, swingers, swingers club

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Female breasts are nature’s anti-stress balls. The irony is that they are connected to the biggest stress-inducing device.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

37 shares on Telegram this month:

Is ChatGPT my father-in-law because it keeps making stuff up and passing it off as fact?

83 shares on TikTok this month:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

64 shares on Discord this month:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Farting, but with eye contact.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’ve been following this strict diet all week and so far all I’ve lost is my patience.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

Making waves on Slack:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Trending via YouTube:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Live now on Messenger:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Shared recently on Threads:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Shared recently on Slack:

When you’re a child, you want to be a teenager. When you’re a teenager, you want to be an adult. When you’re an adult, you want to be a cat.

Shared recently on Instagram:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Just shared via WeChat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

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