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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

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Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

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Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

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Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

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I talk a lot of shit for someone who turns every black shirt into an abstract deodorant mural.

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“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

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If you ever go backpacking in the wilderness, be sure to wear corduroy pants, so you can start a fire if needed.

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On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

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Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

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Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Playful quote imagining partner intimacy, blending humor and curiosity about couple life.

Commentary:
Well, that's a whole new level of relationship goals right there… ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ’‘ Who knew that sex could be the final frontier of love and togetherness? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’• #CoupleGoals #AfterSexThoughts



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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ป has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

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A real smartphone would cut you off.

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I would prefer not to.

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Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your teamโ€™s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

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The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

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My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

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