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Well, that's a whole new level of relationship goals right there… 🤔💑 Who knew that sex could be the final frontier of love and togetherness? 😂💕 #CoupleGoals #AfterSexThoughts

contemplation, couple, humor, i, intimacy, relationship, sex, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

3 weeks ago

alone, behavior, Funny, funny behavior, humor, interaction, leaving, moved, only, people, regret, social, social interaction, suspicion, time, trust
Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

2 weeks ago

adventure, beef, beef jerky, diet, fish, food, humor, jerky, keto, lifestyle, pirate, rum
I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

6 days ago

family, gap, generational, generational gap, grandma, hour, humor, i, know, love, me, patience, technology, texting, texts
Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

2 weeks ago

aspirations, career, five, humor, interview, job, job interview, life, me, procrastination, sabbatical, where, work, work life, yourself
You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

1 week ago

ever, everyday, everyday life, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, life, movement, moving, rage, road, road rage, slow, slow movement, someone, store, walking
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

6 days ago

embrace, hug, humor, i, joke, marriage, me, mistake, mistakes, relationship, told, wife

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Instagram this month:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

This football season, we need to bring back getting drunk and calling in to your team’s local radio show after the game. Such a lost art.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Just shared via Reddit:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Making waves on Threads:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Making waves on Reddit:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Going viral on Telegram:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Seen just now on Discord:

My advice to anyone with a job: be the last one in, the first one out, and do as little as possible while getting maximum pay.

Spotted on Discord:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

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Activity Log ✨

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

You ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slowly at the grocery store?

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

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