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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My morning routine consists of talking myself out of quitting my job.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Making waves on Twitch:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Making waves on Slack:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Making waves on Facebook:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Just shared via Discord:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

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Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.
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Commentary:
"Stephen King's It: where Pennywise acts as the ultimate wingman for childhood friendships that never die 🤡👫 #FriendshipGoals #AdultingDoneRight"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Reddit this month:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

51 shares on Slack this month:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

37 shares on Threads this month:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Did anyone ask the daylight if it wanted to be saved?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,606

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Listen to the birds, not the news.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Put my height in bio. Hope it lands me a girlfriend.

Shared recently on Instagram:

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

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