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He said he thinks Iโ€™m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

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Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

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Stay humble, you are someoneโ€™s weird coworker.

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I am cassette tape years old.

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Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

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Cleaning your glasses is like changing from 360p to 1080p.

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90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

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My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

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Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

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The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

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My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.

Commentary:
๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿณ "When life gives you lemons, add a touch of 'ciao' and whip up a ricotta masterpiece! ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿค– Dad took Siri's recipe search to a whole new level with his Italian charm. Who knew technology had a taste preference? ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ“ฑ #WhenInDoubtAddPasta"



Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has shared:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

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Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

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I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

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The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute itโ€™s there and the next itโ€™s not.

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Do goalies ever get lonely during a game?

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“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

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The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

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When someone tells me โ€œThey could care lessโ€, instead of the proper โ€œI couldnโ€™t care lessโ€, I always say โ€œAt least you care.โ€

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Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

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In my 20โ€™s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40โ€™s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.