TAMWORTH—Sunshade Inc. announced a new line of sunscreens designed for those wishing to maintain cosmic distances between themselves and others. “SPF 93 Million is perfect for those who truly want personal space,” said CEO Dan Orbit.

Consumer Alice Rayburn applauded the move, stating, “I’ve always needed protection not just from UV rays but from unwanted human rays as well.”

The company’s next project involves development of a vasectant, which promises to sterilize any situation with a direct glance.