Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Masturbation is easy, but choosing a video is hard.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to struggle to survive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Jan 7, 2026

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Making waves on Discord:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Spotted on Reddit:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Seen just now on Slack:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Live now on Twitch:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Going viral on WeChat:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Making waves on Twitch:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

2 months ago

0

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, can you believe "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" is turning 40? 🎂🎉 If you're humming that catchy tune, you might also be feeling the back pain of nostalgia creeping in! 🎶💔 Just remember, with great music comes great responsibility… to stretch and take care of your spine! 💪😄

40, back pain, dream, earworm, music

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

0

3 days ago

art, book, distraction, everyone, f*ck, giving, humor, pandemic, quarantine, reading, real, satire, self-help, subtle, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

0

2 months ago

addicted, addiction, feel, feel good, feeling, good, humor, i, me, motivation, positive, positive feeling, self-improvement, think
If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

0

5 months ago

business, business failure, chain, Domino’s, ever, failure, feel, food, food industry, humor, industry, Italy, just, marketing, open, pizza, remember, tried
If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

0

2 months ago

activity, chase, chasing, definitely, exercise, humor, joke, laughter, me, playful, run, running, should, something, too
People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

0

2 months ago

allowed, Christmas, customer, humor, little, people, relief, retail, should, slap, stress, stress relief, treat, work
Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

0

3 months ago

50s, age, aging, ailment, condition, health, humor, medical, medical condition, middle, middle age, mysterious, mysterious ailment, welcome

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Hiking in your 40s is a great way to meet new people. Today I met two paramedics, three nurses, a cardiologist, and nearly met Jesus.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Dear women, when you’re not around we load the dishwasher properly.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

If we hadn’t made them extinct, instead of Kung Fu Panda we could have had Tae Kwon Dodo.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Just landed via Instagram:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Seen just now on YouTube:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Making waves on Reddit:

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Nobody sighs louder than an unemployed, debt-free dog who spends at least 16 hours a day sleeping.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴