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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, Iโ€™m not helping.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

โ€˜Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,694

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on TikTok:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said โ€˜You can do mine next!โ€™ This used to be a real country.

Just landed via Discord:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Spotted on TikTok:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Spotted on Instagram:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Trending via Twitch:

God: “I donโ€™t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Witty text about drive-thru dedication, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who needs designated drive-thru lanes when you've got determination and a hunger that won't wait? ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿš— Next time you're too lazy to step out of the car, just remember – you're not being lazy, you're just being creatively efficient! ๐Ÿ˜‰ #DriveThruOrBust"

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars โญ

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesnโ€™t work at all, ever.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Just once, Iโ€™d love to underthink a situation.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, weโ€™re disgusting cheating dogs?

32 shares on Slack this month:

If I wouldโ€™ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldnโ€™t have been thinking what I was thinking.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My kids want to know whatโ€™s for dinner, like theyโ€™re going to be happy with the answer.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I hate it when Iโ€™m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you love me, please donโ€™t ask me to go camping with you.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Your 20s should be spent nervously sitting on the edge of the bed with rigid posture.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,717

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Saw the eye doctor, and thatโ€™s 90% of the vision test right there.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has copied:

Iโ€™m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know youโ€™re doing it wrong.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, โ€œBefore you leave.โ€ No. I already made the decision.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Making waves on Telegram:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Making waves on Slack:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that Iโ€™m getting work done.

Making waves on X:

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Spotted on Messenger:

That very depressing moment when you find out the fire alarm that went off at work was just a test.

Trending via Slack:

Itโ€™s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Given the amount of clowns around here, youโ€™d think it would be more entertaining.

Just landed via Slack:

People who quit their jobs before having a backup job lined up ainโ€™t scared of nothing.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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