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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,042

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Spotted on Discord:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Shared recently on Instagram:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending via Snapchat:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Trending via Snapchat:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Just landed via Slack:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Spotted on Discord:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

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That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.
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Commentary:
📱💥 Who knew your phone was auditioning for a role in a slapstick comedy? From acrobatics to home decor rearrangement, it's a full-on performance every time it takes a tumble! Just remember, in the world of phone physics, anything can happen – except a graceful landing on the bed! 🤹‍♂️✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

18 shares on Telegram this month:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

63 shares on X this month:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not having a job.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The minute I start feeling like a mother to a man, the relationship is over.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,778

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Just landed via Twitch:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Seen just now on Slack:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Just shared via Facebook:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

Just landed via Discord:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Shared recently on WeChat:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Making waves on WeChat:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

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