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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I will never be the person this serving size suggestion wants me to be.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Just landed via Slack:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Trending via YouTube:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Spotted on Slack:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Going viral on Threads:

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Trending via Slack:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Live now on WhatsApp:

A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal question of who's the better singer: the feathered virtuosos or the lyrical masters? 🎶🐦 Perhaps the songbirds have the melody, but the hummingbird definitely has the rhythm! 🎵🐦💃"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

Updated

33 minutes ago

Users Online

3,418

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Trending via Twitch:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Spotted on Instagram:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Breaking via Messenger:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

Reported on Instagram:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Shared recently on Instagram:

When this multivitamin kicks in I’m going to do so much success.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.

Trending via YouTube:

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Making waves on Reddit:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

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