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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Lord, take away my suffering and give it to anyone who’s ever said, ‘Hey, Grok.’

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Breaking via Messenger:

I probably think this song is about me.

Going viral on TikTok:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Just landed via YouTube:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Spotted on Threads:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Making waves on Discord:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Trending via Facebook:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Humorous text highlighting Monday struggles after a fun weekend.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the weekend escape followed by the Monday ambush! 😅 It's like time decides to hit the snooze button on Monday morning. ⏰ Hang in there, the countdown to the next weekend begins now! 🎉 #MondayBlues"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Threads this month:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

15 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

75 shares on Snapchat this month:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

After careful consideration, I think I’d have way more fun if I was incredibly stupid.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

My recliner and I go way back.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Seen just now on Discord:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Spotted on Slack:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Making waves on Discord:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Freshly posted on Discord:

It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”

Spreading quickly via X:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

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