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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,672

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Spotted on Facebook:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Making waves on Snapchat:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Spotted on Slack:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

Spotted on Slack:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about parental controls humorously highlighting parental tech struggles.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the modern-day struggle of technology versus parenting skills! 🤖👪 It seems like kids these days are the real tech wizards, leaving us parents feeling like we're stuck in the Stone Age. 📱😅 Who knew the tables would turn so drastically? Maybe we should consider giving our kids official IT certifications along with their report cards! 💻👩‍💻👨‍🎓

control, figure, help, i, irony, kid, me, need, parental, parental control, parenting, problem, set, setup, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

63 shares on Discord this month:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

God, please, for once in my life, let me get what I want.

50 shares on Threads this month:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

13 shares on Slack this month:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn’t want to hang out and never intends on being friends.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom: sure use any towel. Also my mom: not that one.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Work from home is all fun and games until you lose grip on reality.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Live now on Discord:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Live now on Instagram:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Going viral on Threads:

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Just landed via Reddit:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Going viral on Discord:

Being strange is exhausting.

Broadcasted on X:

Photos are cool because they are like now but for later.

Making waves on Reddit:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Breaking via Messenger:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

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