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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Just found out about confirmation bias, and now every article I read totally proves I was right to be worried about it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,274

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Spotted on WeChat:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Going viral on Instagram:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

2 months ago

0

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic parenting dilemma: dealing with the lovely assortment of other parents at school events and playdates. 👀👪 It's like a whole new level of social dynamics, complete with awkward conversations and questionable parenting advice. 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️ But hey, at least it's never a dull moment in the world of parenthood, right? 😅 #ParentingAdventures"

children, dynamics, having, humor, other children, parenting, parents, social, social dynamics, thing, worst, worst thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

0

5 months ago

birth, born, child, day, humor, name, prediction
I should’ve existed as a tree.

0

2 months ago

choices, existed, existence, humor, i, identity, life, life choices, nature, tree
I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

0

2 months ago

activity, attention, dress, exercise, fun, fun activity, humor, i, jog, need, self-expression, unexpected, unique, web, wedding, wedding dress
I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

0

4 weeks ago

after, doom, doom scroll, humor, i, improve, improvement, life, little, media, procrastination, scroll, self, self-improvement, social, social media, yes
You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

0

2 months ago

accent, bibbit, creativity, fun, humor, janglers, just, language, made-up, made-up words, nonsense, people, playful, real, say, scottish, Scottish accent, think, words
Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

0

3 months ago

AI, automation, bad, employment, explain, good, humor, immigrant, irony, job, jobs, me, somebody, take, technology, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am single, please disturb me!

70 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

12 shares on Slack this month:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m instantly 70% nicer after 3 p.m. on Fridays.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

“Oh, I’d love to but I can’t.” Translation: I don’t want to so I won’t.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t do exercise because one time I kneed myself in the face doing a burpee.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I grew up in a really small town. The closest thing we had to food delivery was someone egging your house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,645

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Making waves on Threads:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Going viral on Instagram:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Trending via Twitch:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Trending via Reddit:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Shared recently on Instagram:

You can’t get a good night’s sleep anymore because of woke.

Seen just now on Slack:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

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