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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

I’m at the age where living in the woods and arguing with a raccoon sounds like a peaceful retirement plan.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

Promising I wonโ€™t tell anyone your secret doesnโ€™t include my husband. Heโ€™s basically my diary.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ต has downloaded:

Referring to my bossโ€™s wife as my boss-in-law.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now theyโ€™re concerned for my mental health.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

Talking to some people is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Spreading quickly via X:

I donโ€™t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Spotted on Telegram:

There arenโ€™t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

Live now on Twitch:

I suck at flirting. Iโ€™ll be like “is that so?โ€

Spotted on Threads:

โ€œYouโ€™re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.โ€

Seen just now on Twitch:

Don’t study, get slutty!

They should invent a rest for the wicked.

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Commentary:
"If they invented a rest for the wicked, would it come with devilishly comfortable cushions? ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ’ค #EvilNaps"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

94 shares on X this month:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Tell me Iโ€™d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you wonโ€™t need that cup of coffee.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

You spend so long trying to think of a name for your cat only to end up calling them “for god’s sake” and “please stop”.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

10 shares on TikTok this month:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Riding a bike is an insane concept. You just sit and run at the same time.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Thereโ€™s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I dare you to try and be more single than me.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,608

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Slack:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Seen just now on X:

Brave of you to assume you can resist my good looks.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Breaking via Discord:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Spotted on Slack:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

Making waves on X:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

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