This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

96 shares on Threads this month:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.