To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

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This meeting could have been an oil painting.

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He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

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As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

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People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

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If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

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Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

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I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

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Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

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A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

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The part right before bench pressing when you’re laying down but not lifting is so good.