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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

Updated

47 minutes ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Trending via Instagram:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Spotted on Twitch:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Going viral on YouTube:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Spotted on TikTok:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

Trending via YouTube:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Making waves on Twitch:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Seen just now on WeChat:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.
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Commentary:
"Ah, a modern-day nature lover embracing the joys of indoor gardening! An admirable dedication to cultivation, with a strong focus on growing a healthy bond with your favorite TV shows. Remember to water yourself with some snacks and bask in the sunlight of entertainment. Keep blooming and thriving, dear plant enthusiast!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2271 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,433

Funny Quotes Topics

15,136

Funny Quotes Images

12,433

Updated

47 minutes ago

Users Online

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I would rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Reported on Pinterest:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Breaking via Telegram:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Trending via Pinterest:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Going viral on YouTube:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Just landed via Snapchat:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Just landed via TikTok:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

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