Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

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Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

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You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

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I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

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A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

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‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

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Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

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Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

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My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

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This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

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You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.