Used shampoo containing caffeine. My hair is already on its way to work.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

45 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

51 shares on Facebook this month:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

If love is the answer then what was the question?

33 shares on Reddit this month:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.